Citações: Steven Wright

Steven Wright, comediante de stand up, é o autor da mítica citação "Women: can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em."

Tem outras pérolas:

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day ’cause that means it’s gonna be up all night.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
On my walls I have pictures of the rooms on the second floor, so I never have to go upstairs.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen it.
My girlfriend’s weird. One day she asked me, “If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?” I said, “No.” She said, “Okay, forget it.”
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, “Steven, time to go to sleep.” I said, “But I don't know how.” She said, “It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.” So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said “I thought I told you to go to sleep.”
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included... So I had to buy ’em again